


I Really, Really Hate You, Mat Barzal

by eafay70



Series: "Dites-moi pourquoi la vie est gai" Songbook [1]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Audio Format: M4A, Audio Format: MP3, Audio Format: Streaming, Friendship, Gen, Musical, Podfic, Podfic & Podficced Works, Podfic Length: 0-10 Minutes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:02:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23318059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eafay70/pseuds/eafay70
Summary: In which Tito sings about his frustrations with his meddlesome best friend.
Relationships: Mathew Barzal & Anthony Beauvillier
Series: "Dites-moi pourquoi la vie est gai" Songbook [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1676890
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4
Collections: Out Of The Auditary 2020





	I Really, Really Hate You, Mat Barzal

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lotts (LottieAnna)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LottieAnna/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Restricted Work] by [eafay70](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eafay70/pseuds/eafay70). Log in to view. 



> First of all: Yes, I did post these lyrics as a fic some number of months ago. However, I'm reposting it so I can put it with its podfic!
> 
> Thanks to Sylvaine for organizing Out of the Auditary again - I didn't find out about it until after last year's collection went live, so I'm very happy to be participating this time!
> 
> Thanks to CompassRose for feedback on the podfic!
> 
> Thanks to Annapods for cover art feedback!
> 
> And thanks to Lotts for always encouraging me! <3
> 
> * * *
> 
> This song mentions Jordan Eberle, but he doesn't actually appear. It also implies the existence of his romantic partner without specifying the gender or name thereof.
> 
> There is also a mention of Matt Martin. If I remembered the name of his dog, I'd include it, but no such luck. :(
> 
> Sparky, the NY Islanders mascot, is also mentioned. He doesn't appear in this chapter, but there will be a bonus track featuring him and other mascots... ;)

**Streaming**

Your browser doesn't support streaming with the HTML5 audio tag, but you can still download this podfic as an MP3 or as an M4A via the links below.

**Links**

[MP3 (3.87 MB, runtime 4:09)](https://www.dropbox.com/s/t7iywidlehycl5y/i%20really%20really%20hate%20you%20with%20music.mp3?dl=0)

[M4A (5.89 MB, runtime 4:09)](https://www.dropbox.com/s/0rub7qb5jzmp3k9/i%20really%20really%20hate%20you%20with%20music.m4a?dl=0)

* * *

Tito (spoken):  
*sighs* I don't feel any better about it. I thought a really nice vacation would help, but it didn't.

Mat (spoken):  
I should say not. You look even unhappier now than when the tournament ended. Do you feel worse about it?

Tito (spoken):  
No, not about the tournament.

Mat (spoken)  
I knew it! *cackles* I knew there was something else on your mind! Tell me everything! *cackles some more*

Tito (spoken)  
Absolutey not.

Mat (sung as the music starts):  
You know you want to let it out, so tell me what your frown's about.

Tito (spoken):  
I refuse to encourage your obsession with spontaneous musicals.

Mat (spoken):  
Anthony Beauvillier! *gasps in horror* You know full well that I love both spontaneous musicals and written musicals equally!

Tito (spoken as the music intensifies):  
Oh, yeah? Well, you know what I absolutely HATE?!

Mat (spoken):  
No, tell me!

Tito (sung):  
I...really, really hate you, Mat Barzal!  
All you do is smirk and sing - you never help!  
I wish I'd known more English then  
So you wouldn't have become my friend  
'Cause right now I FLIPPING hate you, Mat Barzal!

Tito (spoken):  
Wait... (music screeches to a halt) If I can't curse, then...

Mat (spoken):  
Yep. Sparky's fully aware of this.

Tito (spoken):  
*groans in frustration* You realize you're not actually his favorite just because of the songs and matchmaking attempts, right?

Mat (spoken):  
I'm fully aware that musicals and being RIGHT about love pale in comparison to cute dog pics. Stupid Matt Martin... (music resumes) Anyway, you were singing?

Tito (sung):  
I really, really hate you, Mat Barzal!  
It's clear your ego's made your head begin to swell!  
I don't know why you try and try  
To get us to take your advice  
And that really makes me hate you, Mat Barzal!

Mat (sung):  
Now wait, now wait, just cool it with the hate!  
My advice is GREAT for you and everyone else, so please  
Don't blame ME for this the way Ebs does - jeez Louise!  
'Only get roses if you know the person likes them.'  
Did he listen? He did not!  
And that's why he wound up on a couch stiffer than a cot!

Tito (spoken):  
His couch isn't that bad.

Mat (spoken):  
Don't interrupt!

Mat (sung):  
All I want is happiness on both our teams,  
That the Islanders and Team Canada fulfill their dreams!  
If I can help you guys with your love lives, too,  
Why on earth is that something that I shouldn't do?

Tito (sung):  
*groans* Why do you still not get it, Mat Barzal?!  
If I have to repeat this all again, I'm going to YELL!

(Tito and Mat groan in frustration at each other; unbeknownst to them, Luc and Chabby are singing "I'm Glad I'm Very Far From Mat Barzal" during this time. For the sake of my sanity as a podficcer, this song will get its own podfic.)

Tito (sung):  
*sighs* But you're still my best friend, Mat Barzal.

Mat (sung):  
Ditto, Tito.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is love! =D


End file.
